Back to Work After Maternity Leave: Who You Are Now, What You Carry, What You Need

By Charlotte Hunka

Your maternity leave is coming to an end and it’s time to go back to work. Well, to your other work. The role of mother isn’t ending; you’re stepping into a new chapter where that role sits alongside your work.

Maybe you’re excited to go back, or perhaps you’re dreading it. Maybe it’s a little of both, somewhere in between, or something else entirely. Whatever you’re feeling, I want you to know that’s okay.

Who you are now

However you feel about your return, you’ve changed. Matrescence, a term coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s, describes the psychological, emotional and identity shifts that come with becoming a mother. It’s a transition that can reshape who you are, and it doesn’t end when maternity leave does. It can resurface at every new transition, and going back to work is a big one.

As reproductive psychiatrist Dr Alexandra Sacks explores in her work on matrescence, we often focus on the baby’s development while overlooking the profound transition happening for the mother. Identity work is the part of postpartum self-care that most often gets skipped. I believe wholeheartedly that it’s a fundamental building block for your next phase, whether that’s back to the office or not.

Many returning mothers describe a real sense of loss: of who they were, of their freedom and flexibility, of the parts of themselves they set aside to care for their baby. Add the pressure to be who society, social media, family or a partner says we should be, and it’s no surprise that self-belief and confidence can take a knock. Not always, though, and that’s important to uncover too. Many women return with new strengths they haven’t yet named.

By doing this identity work before you return, you build an understanding of who you are now and where you want to go, before the mental load, physical load and workload sweep in.

On social media I often see the image of the flamingo. Flamingo parents lose their pink while feeding their chicks, and we’re promised we’ll get ours back.

But we don’t have to go back to who we were. We can keep the bits we liked, add who we’ve become through this huge transition, and build on both.

Doesn’t that sound quite exciting?

What you’re carrying, and who carries it with you

Knowing who you’ve become is one part of the picture. Another is what you’re carrying, and who is carrying it with you. When your return date arrives, the mental load doesn’t pause.

When I sit with clients, the list is long: the morning routine, the drop-off, the workload, the mental load, getting home in time for bath and bed, the exhausting bedtime routine and the broken sleep. Carrying it all is draining, especially when there’s no time left for you or your relationships. Over time, it can lead to burnout.

You don’t have to do this alone, and you shouldn’t. Remember the flamingos: both parents lose their pink. Who is in your village? It doesn’t have to be only your partner or family. In Singapore, it might be infant care, grandparents, a helper (and managing a helper well is its own piece of the load), a cleaner or a regular grocery delivery. For each task, ask yourself: do I need to do this myself, or can I share it, delegate it or let it go? How can I lighten my load?

Organising your load before you go back won’t make it disappear, and it will shift as time passes. But it gives you a foundation that lasts well beyond your first few months back.

What you need from work

Lastly (for the purpose of this post, anyway), work. Before you return, get clear on what you need. Do you need a place to express milk and a fridge to store it? Not every workplace has a lactation room, so it’s worth asking early. Do you need clear boundaries around your hours? Flexibility to work from home or leave at a set time? What do you need to communicate, and to whom?

Have these conversations with yourself first, then with your employer, whether that’s your manager, HR or both.

Having worked in HR, I know how flexible working requests tend to be received. Managers are less worried about the request itself and more focused on the potential short- and long-term impacts for your colleagues and clients, and what this means for collaboration, meetings and deadlines. If you are considering an application, put yourself in your manager’s shoes. A request that shows you’ve considered the whole picture and explains how you will complete your work, how you’ll be contactable and how you’ll continue to review the arrangement together is far easier to say yes to than one that only explains why you need it.

In Singapore, you also have a formal route, and knowing that exists can make the conversation feel less like asking a favour. Since 1 December 2024, the Tripartite Guidelines on Flexible Work Arrangement Requests expect employers to have a process for considering formal requests and to respond in writing within two months. Familiarise yourself with your company policy, especially around eligibility and the application process.

A great tip: reach out to someone at your workplace who returned recently. Ask them what was hard, what helped, and who their allies were.

And don’t leave it too late. The closer you get to your return date, the less room you have to negotiate. Imagine what one good conversation could make possible. Knowing this is sorted frees you to focus on the work, on yourself, and on what your career looks like from here.

You don’t need it all figured out

I’m not saying you need to have everything worked out before you go back. But one thing I’ve seen again and again, supporting people returning to work, is that having some control over the return and the right support in place goes a long way towards helping them thrive.

This is where coaching can help. Together, we work through how you’re feeling about your return, what you’re carrying, what you need from work and how to ask for it. We rebuild the sense of self and confidence that so many quietly lose.